I don’t know what is going on

  This year has been but a big jigsaw puzzle. I started this year with trying to put together this puzzle with a specific image in mind about how it was going to look. I felt like I had my life “manifested”. I knew where it was going. Lost a couple pieces to the puzzle beginning of the year and tried not to get discouraged. Hell, I even tried to D.I.Y my own pieces and that didn’t work. So I got discouraged. 

    This is a metaphor of my life if you haven’t caught on by now. My life started to fall apart, the image that I’ve created. The everything is going GrEaT image. What I realized was I didn’t need to figure out the puzzle, I needed to get rid of it. I never liked puzzles, at all. After a year and a half, of achieving a lot for my age. The last thing I needed was a freaking puzzle for me to figure out. 

   

   Growing up and being conditioned into survival mode, I always needed to figure things out. Things couldn’t just be good, they had to be GREAT. Literally, my Highschool yearbook quote was “just let me be great.” I never felt safe enough to just be. To chill and just be.

     It’s amazing how our minds will have ideas of ourselves while our physical body is looking at us jack crazy? It’s so sad in our society that kids grow up so freaking fast. It’s really sad. I can genuinely say that at 24 years old, I’m still a kid and all I wanna be is a kid. Because at 15, I was 19. At 21, clubs were already played out for me. At 24 all I care about is my well-being and my inner peace. 

   I care about my mental health, a lot actually. People who have gone through cycles of depression, you understand how precious your mental health is. I care about laughing. I care about not taking life so fucking seriously. Because yes Kimberley, people are dying. Stress kills. And I’m not gonna die because of stress because that story is a pitiful story. I was gonna end this with some quote like “true success is feeling successful” which it is.

    If you look around at what’s going on in the world, success is starting to look real simple and humble. If you are still idolizing a certain image for what success looks like and undervaluing the simple pleasures you have: The roof over your head, the food you ate today, the near or over $1000 phone you’re reading this on, babes you need to get with the program. I’m not one of the world is ending, rapture, church hysteria people but its shifting quickly. We really don’t know what the hell the future is going to look like. So if you’re life was looking real untogether this year, stop trying to put it back together. Ask God what the divine plan is, because I am sure that will never lead you astray. Whatever happens, there’s 50% chance you’ll be okay. Either way, we’re all going to the same place anyway.